4000 Married Men Talk About Sex
You have lived together for ages and it seems that you know each other inside and out. But are you sure you know everything about your husband’s innermost desires?
More than 4000 married men between the ages of 25 and 50 agreed to discuss such issues in the context of huge poll on the subject: what excites you while having sex? We asked the questions that to every woman would like to ask, and that men would never answer unless they were guaranteed anonymity. You still think that you know everything about your husband? There’s no doubt that some of their answers will astonish you.
The times of desire
In youth, men do not have specific preferences in sex; as they try to find out what they really need, they are anxious to try all possible variations and they change partners easily.
As they mature, men’s tastes in sexual relations become refined and quantity is replaced with quality. But the problem is that women over 30 or 35 are just beginning to enjoy their sexual life – they are at their sexual peak, they are easily excited, some of them experience even more intense feelings than in their youth. As for men of this age, they need (and the older you are, the more you need it) a kind of emotional/psychological drug: stimulation, various exciters, “toys” and even pornographic movies. Women should treat these facts with delicacy and understanding. This does not mean that you must force yourself to watch porn if it offends you, or that you have to order latex “toys,” which you think of as sexually perverse. But it is very useful to liberalize your sexual life – especially in marriage. Sex is one the most essential components of love and, therefore, a reliable strengthening material of marriage.
When the intimate relations of a husband and wife or a couple become monotonous, sexologists define it as “erotic boredom.” The phrase “matrimonial duty” is exactly the right term for the situation when “family sex is just as exciting as watching the evening news on TV,” as one nice 35-year-old woman who has been married for fifteen years said. To avoid this kind of comparison and association, married relations need variety, spontaneity and improvisation. There should always be the elements of play, ingenuity and creation – it adds spice to sex and enriches the partners’ feelings. One can improvise, invent role-playing games -– you can imagine that you are somebody else and include your husband in the scenario. It is like in childhood: “let me be …” (Cinderella, Cleopatra, a fairy -– whomever you like) -– this is your game.
Let’s discuss it
While having sex, people do not feel any shame, but most of us cannot past the barrier when we have to talk about it with our partner, but this is a good way to understand each other and learn about the desires of our beloved. You can’t learn from silence, acting by guesswork or interrupting. One of the obstacles here is the absence of a vocabulary that could help to avoid awkwardness when we talk about sex. Moreover, the variety is small – either Latin terms or their obscene equivalents. Neither one suits everybody. A good way out is to invent one’s own language, “secret” words, proprietary intimate flattery.
Oral sex gives pleasure to practically every man (those who declare that they don’t get any pleasure from it are the exception). However, according to sexologists’ opinions, not all women understand how to do it “correctly” and not all men are able to explain to their beloved what they really enjoy and what is not that pleasant. But to give your man the highest degree of pleasure, it is not necessary to be an enchantress and to work wonders. The skills from childhood (when you sucked and licked chocolate ice or a fruit-drop on a stick) can guide your actions.
Surely, men willingly hold back from discussing their weaknesses and essentially exaggerate their sexual potential. The thing is that while listening unwittingly to his friends’ boastful stories, a man compares himself to them, often “losing” by comparison. It raises his level of anxiety and fear, which can even lead to temporary sexual problems. There are other factors leading to this, for instance, stereotypes - like a real man is able to make love for hours, having three, four or five orgasms in one night. Every man has his individual potential and sexual constitution, not to mention his age and the general state of his health. Besides, not every woman needs and gets pleasure from this. Still, stereotypes like these can make some men feel ashamed and nervous (men are far more sensitive and vulnerable than we imagine).
You are the one he wants.
Good news: passion does not fade away after several years
of marriage. In spite of the usual “not today,” headaches
and dowdy nightgowns, their sexual appetite is strong. 37% say that they
desire their wives as much as they did during the first year of marriage
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