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How To Learn From Loneliness

So, you were turned away or you ended the relationship yourself. In any case, you are alone and don’t feel very comfortable. Society pictures a lonely woman as sad, socially passive and devastated, so it is not surprising that we want to find a new partner as soon as possible.


In the meantime, the period between relationships can be much more than just some transitional time. You can use this time for self-development, achieving new things and preparing for new relationships.


The three things you need


In order to feel comfortable you have to possess three things: the feeling of being valued, the feeling of being safe and the feeling of

total control. Don’t worry that you are alone at the moment; you can acquire all the three essentials needed to feel good by yourself.




Now you can learn to value yourself.


  1. You need to define the things you like about yourself. Note the situations when you do something really well and other people notice it.
  2. Be the king of yourself. You should put yourself first in any situation, when they concern food, drinks and work. Try to choose things you like to do, the things that bring satisfaction and pleasure. Enjoy being alone, being responsible for yourself, being in charge of deciding how to plan the day.
  3. Take yourself seriously. Write down on a sheet of paper all the things that are important to you, the most important values you have. This is what makes you different, the things you can be proud of.




You have a nice chance to learn to feel safe because you have nobody to rely on. In order to get this feeling you have to:


Set certain boundaries of the things you can do effectively and easily: from any practical skills (like knowledge of many computer programs) to psychological skills (ability to manage crisis). Realize that if you can do all this things, you can live alone for sometime.


Strengthen you weak sides. If you know that you are easily affected by stress, find out how to manage it. If you fear that you would not be able to do some of these tasks, go to a therapist. In other words, find out that you are able to manage the situation that makes you feel unsafe and unconfident, because it is always possible to find the information that will help you. Widen the boundaries that you set for yourself earlier. Expand the feel of your confidence and safety.


Learn to control your life


Loneliness gives you the opportunity to learn how to control your life, because you don’t have to compromise other people’s interests.


Set certain boundaries of the things you can live your life with and the situations you can’t stand. Analyze the situations when your close friends tried to convince to do things you didn’t want to do. In any situation, ask yourself first and only then make a decision.


Change the situation. Look back and analyze your work there. Have you always lived where you wanted, have you always been surrounded by people you like? Perhaps all this was perfectly well with you in the past, but

is it now? If the answer is no, gradually change your life.


How to understand that you are ready for new relationships?


  • you are satisfied with yourself
  • you have clear goals, your own life goals (not the goals set for you by other people)
  • you have your own friends and interests
  • you don’t need anybody’s evaluation to feel confident
  • you are open and ready for new relationships

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