Meeting New Men As a Single Mother

must be happy, not only within the family, but also beyond the bounds

of the family.

Good experience

The most reliable category for single mothers is single fathers. Becky

(40 years old) walked her daughter to school every day. And every day

she watched a man who drove his daughter to school using the same route.

“He’s not only handsome, but also very neat and tidy -- every

day, his daughter’s hair was beautifully braided. I liked it,”

said Becky, with a smile. Once they talked, they got acquainted and learned

a lot about each other.

“It’s much easier to date single fathers,” says Becky.

“They’re willing to compromise, because each child has to

understand that everybody loves him and a man, if he wants to make his

woman happy, must get that.” “When we had our first date,

he told me right away that he was divorced and wanted to be married.”

The single life of Kate also changed. She got acquainted with a widower

who brought up his daughter alone. “Soon we understood that because

of our schedules we could meet only once a month.” For a year they

met very infrequently, talked over the telephone, and then understood:

they had to break up or become one family. They have chosen the latter.

Leave everything as before? (A letter from a single

mother)

“My husband and I lived together for ten years. Then we divorced.

I promised myself that I wouldn’t do three things: I would never

use my son in the relationship with my ex-husband; I won’t go to

a plastic surgeon and I won’t have sex with every Tom, Dick and

Harry. Nevertheless, first I went to a lingerie store. If I take off my

clothes with a man, I would rather be seen in very expensive lace than

in plain underwear. It’s interesting that with new lingerie, I began

to think differently. It was funny -- for the first time, I was confused

when I thought about sex. When I was married, everything was simpler --

whether I wanted to sleep with my husband or just sleep. But my intimate

life after the divorce became more complicated. With whom? When? And the

main question: Why?

I needed to make the right choice not only for myself, but also for

my nine-year-old son, Tony; a choice that wouldn’t leave scars,

because it was very hard for me and my son to experience the collapse

of our family. I understood that the chance of making the wrong choice

right after a divorce is very high. I hated the idea of just flirting

with men. I promised myself that I wouldn’t introduce my friends

to Tony if our relationships were not very definite and not on a serious

level. Sometimes I was even too circumspect. Dating a man after a divorce

is the same as when you start driving again after a car accident. You

understand that you need to, but you know that there can be an accident

again. And this is when a woman needs very positive emotions, but what

is the reality? You spent a night with a man and, the next day, you waited

for his call, and then understood that he didn’t need you…

When my ex-husband started a relationship with another woman, who stayed

in his house for the night even if Tony was there for a weekend, I was

troubled, because when he was younger, Tony had a habit of rushing into

our room in the mornings and hugging us both. “Don’t go into

your father’s bedroom if the door is closed,” I said. “Because

they’re having sex?” my son surprised me. “Maybe…”

After that, he didn’t go into his father’s bedroom without

knocking and didn’t ask me about sex, although he was irritated

by having to share his father with some woman. And then I decided that

I wouldn’t force him to share his mother. Tony needs me more than

I need a man.

Once I met a man who, on our first date (which was also the last one),

said that he hadn’t seen his son for five years, because his ex-wife

is a so-and-so. I still shudder when I think of him.

Yes, a single mother has the right to have an intimate life, but with

a man who won’t make her cry and offend her children. A woman needs

love and respect.

Now I spend my free time watching TV. The cat sits on one side of the

sofa and my son is on the other. And between them sits the woman –

very romantic, modest, and demanding -- in an old robe under which there’s

very beautiful lingerie just waiting for the right moment.”