The Jealous Side of Love
Jealousy is one of the most strong and negative emotions. It deprives people of peace and causes harassment; it also leads people to hysterics, depression, and divorce. Let’s examine the reasons for jealousy and find ways of escaping it so that it won’t spoil our life.
Who doesn’t experience jealousy? This feeling even put some excitement into relationships as flavoring does to a good dish. If you don’t give your husband a cause for jealousy, he would think that you’re not interesting for other men. He would like to believe that you’re desired by many men, but he is the only one lucky person who owns you. And we, women, feel pleasure when men are jealous towards us.
Does feeling jealousy mean love? Sometimes you realize that jealousy, similar to rust, eats away your relationship. It’s impossible to enjoy life when you torment yourself with fixed fears or your husband suspects you of infidelity. Moreover, a constant feeling of jealousy, excuses, and scandals is a big stress. Jealousy ruins every fifth marriage. So what should we do with it?
Some people think that jealousy is the other side of love and these feelings – jealousy and love – can’t exist without each other. But it’s a myth. Jealousy doesn’t always mean love; but it shows that a person values what he/she has and fears to loose it. However, fear and striving to be the only owner who controls a partner is not love. Real love can’t be combined with hesitations and fear. Problems with jealousy mean that not everything in your relationship is working smoothly. You are not born being jealous, you become jealous with time. The reasons are not always in a partner’s frivolous behavior.
Everything is the result of complexes.
The groundwork of jealousy is fear. It can be fear of loosing love, fear of shame, or fear of loneliness. Everybody has his/her own fear.
- Fear is based on a sense of weakness and vulnerability. A thought of a rival horrifies a woman because she is not sure of herself; she compares herself to another woman and it provokes a sense of humiliation. She thinks that she is not good enough and other women seem to her to be more interesting. That’s why she’s waiting for her partner’s infidelity by suffering of her own helplessness.
- A person with a low self-esteem has love which is like that of a baby to a mother. If your husband takes the role of a mother or a father -- supporting you, making decisions -- then by loosing him your life would be ruined. The thought of it horrifies you.
- Excessive jealousy is a straight path to divorce. This is not just a nonsensical feeling(it can’t change anything), but it is dangerous because a partner will resist your pressure and control, and he will wish to betray you just on the principle of demonstrating his freedom and right to do what he wants to do. Tormenting a husband with suspicions may spoil your relationship and lead to what you are most afraid of -– he will find a mistress and leave you. This is a paradox of jealousy: you want to prevent infidelity but finally you get the opposite.
- The formula is simple. It is not a matter of you trusting to your partner; what matters is your self-reliance. Don’t think of your bad qualities, but of your good qualities. You should dream of a good and happy future. Love yourself and be proud of yourself because your partner chose you. In this case, your behavior will demonstrate to your partner that he is the best for you and you are the best for him.
- Another important formula is a feeling of your independence. You
should have your personal space, interests, self-perfection possibilities
and professional realization. If you sit home being busy with groundless
jealousy, go to work instead. Instead of spending time on sorting out
your relationship you will share interesting events and your professional
It is important to have your own earnings. The less you depend materially on your husband, the less causes you have to jealous. Dependence and jealousy go hand-in-hand. Meet with your friends, go on visits, and don’t miss corporate parties -- because it is your private life. If you go to a party with your husband you may demonstrate to him that other men like you too, but he is the only man whom you love and value. You should give freedom to your husband as well and respect his interests
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