Meeting New Men As a Single Mother
It’s not easy to start a new life after long years of marriage and bring up a child alone. Many single women try to set up a new family to create a new personal life. Some women succeed and some women have new difficulties and disappointments.
Jane was 39; she had a 7-year-old son. She prepared for a singles event very carefully: she lost weight, colored her hair; in a word, she tried to look more attractive. Then, having met some potential new love interests, Jane chose one of them. She tried to talk to him three or four times, but in vain. “The upshot”, she said with a deep sigh, “is that I asked the event’s organizer to show me his questionnaire and I found out that he prefers women without children.”
Advantages and disadvantages
Unfortunately, very often attempts to work on your private life turn out to be unsuccessful and painful. And there are some other factors that should be taken into consideration: stress after the divorce, the need to earn more money and the difficult process of creating a new relationship with your ex-husband. Everything that was mentioned above is enough to make a single mother despair and refuse to have any close relationships with men ever again.
But, to tell the truth, everything is not that bad. Many mothers enjoy the newfound freedom that comes with their new status! A woman today doesn’t have to feel like a single mother who needs to have a husband to legitimize her role. Moreover, many divorced women don’t confine themselves only to family interests; that’s why they don’t burn with the desire to fill the emptiness in their hearts that not so long ago was filled by a man.
Thirty years ago, for example, there were half as many single mothers as we have now. As a result, public opinion toward single mothers (divorced mothers in despair chasing after fathers for their children) has fundamentally changed. A contemporary single mother is more interested in organizing her life, but for that she doesn’t need a husband anymore. If a woman wants to find a partner in life, she does it on her own terms and not right after the divorce. The majority of mothers remarry within three years. Nevertheless, many can have difficulties and there are three rules that can help them get over these problems.
- Take your time. Think about how your new man can blend in with your life.
- Don’t lose the “feeling of balance.” Put your needs and your children’s needs first.
- Don’t overstep your bounds. Don’t burden your children with all the details about the changes in your private life.
- The majority of divorced women value their work and raising their children more than their own free time or personal happiness. But sometimes, when all their time is taken up with the complicated relations with your former husband and his unplanned visits to see the children, many women forget about ever having spontaneous dates again. At the same time, many single mothers feel very confident about meeting new men because they don’t have to prove to anybody that they can get married. They have already fulfilled themselves as mothers.
Some women want to remarry and have a child with their new husband, but there are also women who openly enjoy their independence after an unhappy marriage.
Most psychologists think that divorced mothers who are dating new men are calmer and less disappointed in life than single women. But it’s not that easy for them; some men don’t want to be involved with another man’s child. “Men are enamored of me,” says Mandy, the manager of a building company, “until I tell them that I have a son. As a rule, their interest instantly disappears; but if they still ask me out, most likely it’s because of their civility.”
A Few Statistics
- About 75% of divorced women are between the ages of 25 and 44;
- More than half of single women remarry;
- The more children a single mother has, the less her chance of remarrying (about 2 million single women have one child; 1 million – 2 children; a half million – 3 or more children)
- 75% of second marriages happen after living together.
The psychologists caution that there are men for whom a single mother is just prey. For some reason, they think that young, divorced mothers are desperately looking for attention and love. They like to think that such a woman would be grateful to them, because they have chosen her and not a young, single, childless woman. That’s why, before entering into a serious new relationship, it’s better to be sure of his intentions.
Sandra is 37; she is the mother of a three-year-old girl. She told us about her bad luck in relationships with men. One man, after their first
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