We Know Everything About Men
We know that womanizers are always unfaithful; when they say that they love you, it means that they want you. When they say that they are tired and don’t want sex, it means that they are impotent. When they say that we look beautiful, it means that they are in good spirits. When they say we are shapely, they feel very good.
We know that they don’t like shaving, because it is painful – because they are overprotected. If they want to prepare dinner, be ready for fire fighters. We know that they can’t dance – they think that it is stupid and not for men.
We know that sly seducers and tempters have read two or three articles in a men’s magazine and consider themselves supermen and Casanovas.
We know that they tell lies about their victories on the love front: if they say that they had 10 women, it means that they had only one or no one at all (yes, it can be true).
We know that they like to lie, to give obvious compliments; and they think that we only love what we hear. It’s an old expression, but everything has changed completely! We love by what we see and only by what we see!
We know that they can’t dress; they don’t have a sense of style and measurements.
We know they don’t understand how we can dress in this fashion!
We know that they are afraid to become a father and a husband; they are afraid of virgins, long nails, red nail polish, red lipstick and clever women. They are afraid to be rejected, to be bad in bed; they are afraid of old age, grandsons, bald spots, grey hair and losing a car. They are afraid of impotence, oaths, promises and hunger.
We know that they prefer riding to swimming, they like dogs, fried potatoes and fish. They don’t like to be the first, fifth, and hundredth.
They can’t sew, knit, cook, love, speak, tell the truth, walk, persuade, make, ask, sleep in pajamas or dine out.
They like to eat at night, to think in the morning, and to sleep in the afternoon; they like to point, teach and show, direct, embrace, and kiss.
They don’t like to feel sorry, sing, search, suffer, think about the future, past or present; they do not like repairing, being photographed, being stupid, funny, not shaved, old, weak or being a door-mat.
If you say, “Dear, soon there will be three of us!” he will not understand we mean - our grandmother, child, mother, sister, or the eighth kitten – but they will still disappear in a second – it has been proven!
We know that you do not know that we know almost everything about you!
We know, but we can’t understand why you do IT in socks?
Why is it so difficult for you to say the three words, “I love you”? Why do you like it when people feel sorry for you, but you don’t like to feel sorry for other people? Why have you changed that silly girl with blue tights and idiot laughter? Why is dropping a tear during a burial a disgrace for you, but laughing at my new hairdo is normal? Why are you constantly forgetting something?! The date of my birthday, to walk the dog, to wash the dishes, to repair a tap in the bathroom, to water the cactus (I think it’s not difficult to do it once a month); to wash yourself, to give a compliment; the date of your own birthday, a promise given last week.
We tell the truth – you lie; we speak – you cry; we sleep- you snore. We love – you want, we underestimate ourselves – you overestimate yourselves; we wash – you soil.
This can go on and on without end, but we have understood the main thing: we are different, that’s why we are together.
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