How to Get-Along with Your Mother-In-Law

It is not a secret that mothers-in-law can spoil their sons-in-law and daughters-in-law life. For many young wives, relations with the mother-in-law become a number one problem. Let’s consider relations between wives and their mothers-in-law in detail.

Actually, it is easy to understand your mother-in-law’s feelings. She has given you the dearest person of her life and she is sure to regret it a bit. Just put yourself into her place, that is, try not to interfere in your child’s life. So, you see, she has to interfere. Another question is how delicate and tactful these interferences are. Just agree that you are not ideal either. Your mother-in-law is, however, likely to attack you no matter how good you are.

War reasons. Your mother-in-law will find lots of causes for conflicts if she is:

1. An authoritarian mother. A dominant style of upbringing does not give good results. An overgrown son remains dependent, not initiative, and uncertain while all his contemporaries have already achieved quite a lot in life. It is hard for such a person to decide to get married. And even after having been got married, he is unable of doing anything without his mother’s approval.
   
   A comment. It is difficult to change a son if he is too close to his mother; he will follow her advice all the time. More than that, he will cite his mother as an example for you. It is difficult to live with such a person, even if you are a strong woman.
   
   
2. An unhappy woman. If a mother convinces her son since early childhood that she lives only for him, and that she has sacrificed her personal life for him, then he is likely to have a complex of guilt because his mother was always unhappy. His mother will always be in a privileged position and he will have a fear of losing her. Having developed so many complexes in her son, such a mother makes him unsuitable for marriage and she herself becomes an unbearable mother-in-law.
   
   A comment. In situations like this, a son, on the one hand, thinks he is too obliged to his mother; but on the other hand, he wishes to get rid of her authority. It means that a smart wife has a chance to have her husband on her side, but she has to be very careful persuading him to take her side. Besides, it requires a lot of time.
   
   
3. Not an altruist. Some women spend all their emotions on other people -- for example, making a career. But as a result they get no satisfaction. In this case, they try to get compensation for their emotions spent in vain from their son or daughter-in-law. If you are unable to provide your mother-in-law with necessary emotions, you will become her main enemy.
   
   A comment. Your children, or your mother-in-law’s grandchildren, can help the situation if your mother-in-law loves them. The positive emotions she receives from the grandchildren will lessen the strength of her attacks on her son and you (his wife).
   
   
4. A needless woman. If your mother-in-law lacks men’s attention and needs it very much, she may attack you just to make her son (the only man available) pay attention and sympathize with her. And she is ready for everything, not only to quarrel with you, but even to make you divorce her son.
   
   A comment. You should not think that psychological “incest” is characteristic of only lonely mothers. A woman may be married but not satisfied with her marriage, and this will lead to her being jealous of her daughter-in-law.
   
   
5. Suffers from megalomania. Some time ago she was a great woman and she brought up a super-man (in her opinion), that is why her daughter-in-law will be not good enough -- not clever enough, not educated enough, not beautiful, not womanlike, and is form the wrong family. In a word, when she was your age, she was much better and this is the reason for all attacks on you.
   
   A comment. Oedipus complex is commonplace in such families: the son worships his mother and feels discomfort simultaneously. You will have to become a psychotherapist and help your husband to overcome
   
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