How to Get-Along with Your Mother-In-Law
A comment. Oedipus complex is commonplace
in such families: the son worships his mother and feels discomfort simultaneously.
You will have to become a psychotherapist and help your husband to overcome
his complex of being too close to his mother.
housewives, such a crisis is especially hard to bear. The very thought
of their house, and themselves, becoming empty and useless when children
leave them makes them suffer. In such a case the following may help:
a young couple should live together with the parents. If the daughter-in-law
insists on living separately, she becomes her mother-in-law’s
enemy who has taken the beloved son out of his home.
A comment. If a young couple lives together
with the parents, then the crisis of an “empty nest” may
transform into the crisis of a “crowded nest”. A mother-in-law
and a daughter-in-law will fight for everything, even for the right
to wash-up and do the laundry. But even if a daughter-in-law has a bit
of housework, her mother-in-law will find fault with her: she won’t
be satisfied with the way the daughter-in-law irons the clothes or cooks
meals. That is why psychologists advice young couples to live separately
from their parents if possible.
A personal opinion: Clair, 30 years old.
“My mother-in-law stated at once that she would not stay with
the grandchildren, help around the house, lend money, and so on. She me
asked to call her by name and take no offense. I found this declaration
strange; my mother-in-law seemed to keep away from me. But then I realized
how great it was. Nobody teaches me how to cook meals, how to bring up
my child, or how to speak to my husband the right way. It could have been
worse if she helped and had made me feel obliged to her. As for my son,
he just adores his extravagant grandmother. Before New Year’s Eve
when I came home, my son ran to me screaming, “Becky has just been
here, and her boyfriend too; they presented me with really cool roller
skates, t father got a great mobile phone, and this bag is for you!”
Your mother-in-law will definitely like you if you:
- work and have good salary;
- are not against doing housework and working in the garden;
- are neat and able to keep the house in order, making it cozy;
- are good at cooking, and prepare food in accordance with your family
members’ tastes;
- are able to save money and can give reasonable advice to your mother-in-law
concerning spending it;
- love and respect your husband;
- love and respect your parents;
- love and want to have children, and possess some pedagogical skills;
- take care of yourself and your husband;
- help your husband to realize his ambitions; and his success is obvious.
Peaceful co-existence conditions. If you try
hard, it will be possible to get along with your mother-in-law. The main
thing is not to show your misunderstanding or disrespect.
- Your first meeting with your husband’s parents is of utmost
importance, because their first impression of you may become decisive.
You should be dressed neatly, be woman-like, and behave according to
the way you are dressed. It is necessary for you to make a good impression
on them.
- Do not try to make friends with the father-in-law, and in the process
ignore the mother-in-law. You should treat both of them equally.
- Do not reject your mother-in-law’s help and pieces of advice,
even if they seem unnecessary for you. Suppose your mother-in-law suggested
that you repair your apartment together, and you say, “We can
do it all by ourselves”. Such a reaction makes her effort in getting
along with you useless. So, if you decided to reject her help, do it
tactfully.
- Do not complain of your mother-in-law to your husband, relatives
(especially your mother), and acquaintances of yours. If your mother-in-law
finds it out, she won’t forgive you -- even if all your complaints
are justified.
- If you have quarreled with your mother-in-law, do not be unforgiving.
Be ready for a discussion and for compromises. If you cannot live together
in peace, sign a treaty not to interfere into each other lives. Then
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