How To Fight With Your Spouse
“Everyone has a right to an opinion, under one condition: it should coincide with ours”
If there are no arguments in the family, the family isn’t necessarily happy. Most often it’s a sign that the roles were defined and distributed long ago and the spouses have nothing to argue over. The worst scenario of such a relationship is when the spouses are absolutely indifferent to each other. Family arguments are a common thing, so be philosophical about them. Never argue over little things, don’t be small-minded, don’t look for faults, and don’t nag.
Researchers from Ohio State carried out the following experiment: they took blood samples from several newlyweds and then asked them to discuss some argumentative, annoying issues. After that, they took some more samples. The findings showed a dramatic decrease of the people’s immunity, especially for the women. So we can draw a conclusion: people loving each other don’t get upset and try to quarrel as seldom as possible.
And you, young people, try not to annoy and make your girls angry because they are very fragile, according to the specialists. As the research of the American Psychology Association shows, there are twice as many women prone to depression than men. The reason for this isn’t only a physiological and hormonal difference, but also the fact that most women absorb other people’s feelings like a sponge.
Don’t be afraid of quarrels. All people who are trying to achieve mutual understanding have them. The thing that matters the lessons they teach you.
There is hardly a person who possesses all good qualities. No man can be decisive and mild at the same time, or bold and sensitive.
If a man has a sensitive nature, don’t demand that he have a business or achieve the position of a big boss.
If a man is a born leader, bold and resolute, don’t expect him to express his feelings and hold warm talks with you.
Another mistake you can make is to hope that your husband is going to understand everything without you telling him. It’s easier to ask your husband to do things you haven’t had time to do than to hope that he will guess what should be done.
All conflicts have a reason, a development, and an outcome.
Most family conflicts start without declaring war, and then the most vulnerable points are targeted all of a sudden. It takes experience to prevent or fight a conflict.
Start together by figuring out the reasons for the conflict. A quiet discussion about a conflict is always a good way to discover something new about a person you love.
You’ll see how differently you understand the reasons for your conflict. While discussing it, you should never try to figure out “who’s to blame” and should avoid using such phrases as “always”, “never”, “I know for sure”, “you must” and so on.
Only a discussing the reasons for a conflict makes for a constructive argument. This analysis will bring results later when you have experience and don’t react to the first aggressive words; instead, you’ll try to figure out if you got them right, and what’s behind them.
When analyzing the reasons for a conflict, try to talk about your feelings, for example:
“You know, I’m very upset about what happened. I wouldn’t like this to happen again, but I’m afraid I can’t figure it out without you, would you like to help me?”
If a man doesn’t feel like talking and makes it clear to you,
don’t get upset. Try to keep your hot temper inside, and don’t
go to the other extreme and resort to silence; men hate scenes.
When the man initiates a conversation, talk about something irrelevant to the conflict.
When the tension is almost gone, support positive emotions with caresses – stroke your husband’s hair or just take his hand in yours. When you feel that your relationship is getting back to normal, suggest you should talk about the argument.
It takes a long time to build a good and warm relationship, but the results are beyond all expectations. The most important thing is to value and take care of your love. If you are happy, your children are happy, too. One more thing… you can’t find happiness in a marriage, if you don’t bring it with you!
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