Love and Money
When questioned, most families admit that they frequently argue
over issues of money. Psychologists assert that within these financial
quarrels lies a more serious issue – different views on life, different
goals and even mutual distrust.
Stumbling-blocks
As the traditional family way of life becomes a thing of the past, marital
relations become more complicated and knotty. Just 20-30 years ago married
life of most families was much easier: the man is a hunter; the woman
is a home maker. He earns the money, she takes care of the children and
runs the house. He has the vote, she has the opportunity to plan the family
activities around a budgeted allowance. As soon as the Soviet Union mode
of living was followed by the free market lifestyle, everything changed
upside down. What to do if both spouses earn equally and at the same time,
each one strives to be the leader? What to do if a wife’s income
is much more and than her husband’s, making him feel humiliated?
And does the wife have a voice in family issues if she stays at home with
the children and doesn’t earn a cent? How should a family budget
be planned if there is no stability? Should a couple spend the money together
or should each rely on his or her income only? Can they buy things on
credit or should they save money and pay in cash only?
These are just some of the important stumbling blocks that families
face. It’s hard to find a husband and wife who have never argued
over money. According to the polls, couples argue over money even more
often than over issues of jealousy. Issues of infidelity are the primary
reason for many arguments in almost half of the polled families, but money
is the reason in 75% of them. And, moreover, families argue about financial
topics regularly.
Psychologists claim that the most unpleasant thing about money quarrels
is not the spouses’ different views on how to spend money: after
all, all rational people can come to an agreement and find a compromise
irrespective of their opposite opinions. The most unpleasant thing begins
when one of spouses deliberately deceives the other in questions of money.
99% of respondents think one should not mislead a their spouse when discussing casino deposits
one’s income or expenses. At the same time, most women say they
do not always tell their husbands at what they spent on clothes, bags
and shoes. These are trifles of course, but big problems start from here.
Your money ego
Couples ague on account of money, but often it is just the surface reason;
behind it are deep differences in attitudes to life roulette casino, values, needs and
expectations. You have different views on life and, therefore, different
views on how to spend money.
Opposites attract, and it’s true even in terms of money. Psychologists
say, those who are likely to save money often marry spendthrifts. The
women for whom money is the main anxiety marry men who live lavishly.
Those who consider financial well-being to be the main constituent of
happiness find those who have little interest in material values. All
of these differences are the result of conflicting attitudes toward life
in general. To stop these money conflicts, there should first be agreement
about how each wishes to live and what each partner wants to achieve.
To spend or to save?
If under the same roof live two people, one of whom has been used to
economizing and saving up for big purchases, while the other is in the
habit of spending money as soon as it hits their pocket, conflict is inevitable.
The problem is that one of the spouses can’t imagine a quiet life
without a healthy money supply, while the other doesn’t want to
burden his/her head with such boring matters like financial planning:
after all, money comes and goes, so what’s the use of taking it
too seriously?
The wrong way out – to argue constantly and try
to convince the other that his/her way of living is correct. There is
a waste of time. For an economical spouse every wasted penny will cause
anxiety. For a spender, saved money will become a considerable reminder
of lost pleasures.
The right way out - to compromise: to set aside a certain
sum of money in a bank account every month. And the spender can have some
money as well, which he/she may spend as he/she likes without constant
scolding from the other spouse.
If, for instance, your husband has a frivolous attitude toward money,
you can try one other method: save money secretly. Psychologists and economists
agree that to feel safe, one needs a sum of money which the family can
live off of for 6 months should a difficult situation arise. This is the
approximate the sum of “reserve stock” one should aim to accumulate.
If your husband doesn’t know about this sum, there will be no conflicts
regarding whether to spend it on a plasma TV right away or to wait a bit.
To lie or not to lie?
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