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How A Healthy Sexual Relationship is Good for the Family.

Parents, children and sex. Said together, these words arouse surprise as if they have come from different languages. But physiologically, these things are impossible to divide.


There can’t be any children without sex. This truth was evident even to a primitive man, but can a child be happy if his parents do not have sex? Until recently, this question has been a dubious one. Most modern psychologists will give a negative answer. No doubt that a family is the whole world for a small child and sex is the basis of every marriage. Even not knowing it, children feel it. When their parents are happy (and successful sexual relations are the source of happiness), the children are happy as well.


Finding the balance


During the first months after the baby is born, his mother is all into him – she doesn’t notice anything else. The father must cut that emotional umbilical cord (the age of 6 months to 1 year is the best time) no matter how difficult it is. It is very hard indeed – a child’s birth (especially the first-born) is one of the most serious milestones in a marriage. However, the situation when a husband brings back the balance into the sexual life is good both for the parents and the child – it helps him to find his way into the big world. He (the child) learns to distinguish between male and female model of behavior – his mother and father are those who show this model. Before he reaches 5 years, he learns to understand what sex he belongs to and how he should behave.




There’s a period in his life (approximately at the age from 3 to 6) when the child ‘falls in love’ with the parent of the opposite sex and even competes with the second parent to win the love of the first. The child has very mixed feelings when he sees signs of tenderness between the parents. It can be joy, happiness, jealousy, envy, and even horror that the second parent – his opponent in this fight – will lose. This loss may ruin the castle of love and happiness of the marriage. That’s why sex should be kept behind closed doors – for the sake of the child. In this case, the child won’t have reasons to worry about ruining his own family. Besides, if the second parent (the parent of the same sex) spends enough quality time with the child, it will reduce the problem of jealousy and rivalry. Freud called this problem an “Oedipus Complex” for boys, and “Electra’s Complex” for girls. If the parents fail to help the child to get rid of that complex, it becomes a guarantee of further sexual problems for the child. He may always be a part of a love-triangle. Let’s imagine that a boy managed to win his mother from the father (or girl – from the mother) and established a closer contact with the parent than the parents themselves have with each other. Being an adult, he may have a fear of his own victories in love or any other sphere… But if a mother/father let herself/himself admire the son/daughter, they will form a basis of the child’s self-esteem and an ability to create his own stable family.


Small puritans


Children get shy when they see their parents kissing in front of other people. Even modern kids, who have seen the same amount of sexual episodes on TV as their parents, have very strict moral standards applied to their parents. Sex between parents is something sacred, something that can’t be open to the others.


Beyond the bedroom doors


Doors of the parents’ bedroom must be closed for the child. At the same time, the child should be aware of the mysterious ritual that happens there. This will subconsciously make him more confident of the happiness and stability in his family. When do children start having doubts about this? If there’s no such stability or they don’t know about it at all. Both variations are dangerous for your child. Psychologists interpret all children’s nightmares and fears as a conflict between love and jealousy. And those parents who pity their child and don’t want it to feel excluded of their relationships are to blame for that. There’s another variation: parents try to justify the lack of sex by the need to establish a stronger emotional contact with the child. They make a double mistake: they form the child’s fears and uncertainty and put a cross on his future sexual satisfaction. All this can be balanced with the help of a professional, if diagnosed in time. Another sensitive period when the complexes show is the teenage years.

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