Stepchildren

sick of everything, especially if your family splits. You think, ‘Daddy

loves this new woman, but what about me? Does he still love me?’

But all boys are very inquisitive when they are 8 – and that became

the basis of our relationship. Every time we met I told him stories I

had heard on TV or radio, or had read in books. Finally, when he would

see me he would ask, ‘Natalie, tell me something interesting!’

We spent a lot of time together, went downtown, skied, played cowboys.

We watched almost all the plays in the Comedy Theatre. Now Mathew is living

at our place. Of course, he visits his mother - they are on great terms

- and he loves her very much. But during those 10 years he became my son,

too. He helps me a lot, and we always discuss what happens in his life

- he tells me everything. Once he even called me ‘mother!’

I know it happened accidentally, but it felt great!”

Mathew, 18, student.

“When Natalie and I met for the first time, I was curious

forgotten about me.

I’m turning 19 this year and I have a baby sister who, according

I love my family!”

That’s the secret. It’s obvious that the young stepmother

didn’t let herself be self-centered. Of course, a 19-year-old girl

wanted to go out with her husband rather than with his small son. But

10 years have passed, and her patience was rewarded with the gratitude

of an adolescent. A woman’s heart is full of love. Just open it

and let it go!

Proof Test

If you want to build a relationship with your husband’s

child on the basis of love and understanding, here are some tips:

1. The first test is to get through a distrustful attitude from the

   child, who’s very worried about one thing: what if she takes my

   Dad away from me? For the child, this is a battle for his or her father.

   But you are not a child and should be wise – just let him win

   his battle. Do not make him jealous, and make him understand that you

   are not going to steal anybody.

2. Do not curry favors with the child to get his sympathy. Psychologists

   specializing in family relations advise to win his interest –

   just do something so that the child would want to become friends with

   you. Try to understand what attracts him, whom he adores, and who his

   favorite characters are. You would hardly be able to become Neo from

   “The Matrix”, of course, but it’s easier to find out

   what qualities he likes characters for. You can astonish him with your

   knowledge in the areas that he’s interested in. It’s not

   difficult – you’re older than he is and much more wise.

3. Psychologists insist that the father must play the main role in your

   building of a relationship with the child. He must show his own respect

   to you and control the situation. Sometimes adults use children to pass

   information to one another. The child, for example, might tell you the

   word his mother calls you. If you do the same thing, you’ll get

   yourself involved in a very dirty scandal. Make it clear to the child

   that you are not interested in such things. As for your husband, he

   must talk to the child about that and explain the situation to him or

   her.

4. Most men feel guilty about the kids they have abandoned. This is

   the real reason for all the signs of attention. The child you had with

   him might not get big presents and expensive clothes, but your husband

   doesn’t do it because he doesn’t love your child –

   he is just trying to redress the wrong he feels. Men can rarely express

   their feelings verbally, so they use other ways to do that such as through

   presents. For your own sake, do not count how much your husband has

   spent on that other child.

5. If you are jealous, try to understand the real reasons. Women often

   transfer their jealousy from the first wife to her child. What’s

   really happening is that you are jealous about the life your husband

   had before he met you. You’re jealous of the past – they

   also went somewhere on a honeymoon, they waited for a child to be born,

   
   
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