Maintaining a Relationship after the Birth of a Child

The birth of child is not only joy, but also solemn trial for matrimonial relations and frequent occasion to family discords. But if you value each other, it’s possible to avoid troubles since family building is the work that demands active participation of both interested sides.

THE REASON FOR DISCORDS

Essence of the problem isn’t so much in the fact that the couple can prove to be insufficiently ready financially or the birth of child will demand from one of the spouses to turn down the studies, career, and etc. There is “the third” in the family now, and everything – love, care, endearment – needs to be divided for three. It’s the father who often becomes redundant in modern families. When the child is born, the expenses rise, and the husband starts to work more to supply the family. He has fewer opportunities to be with the nearest and dearest and his wife devotes all her time to interactions with the child. She knows what the baby likes, can quiet him or her quickly; she is in the know of his or her “achievements” – the infant grows before her eyes. Moreover, there is a very strong emotional bond between child and mother, and this phenomenon is hard to grasp for a father. As a result, the male may feel switched off from family life. He realizes that there are very few topics for discussion between him and his wife as he sees that she is absorbed with the child.

Tired of working, the husband wants tenderness and care, but she has no psychic powers left-over. In such a situation the husband senses that he is “the third redundant”, he assumes that the family needs only money from him, and assumes that he is an obstacle to mother and child communication.

Conscious dismissal from the family, engrossment in work, alcohol abuse, or marital infidelity may become the outcome of these negative feelings. The wife, in her place, is sure that he has nothing to do with either her or the child. Reproaches, offences, and, consequently, the wife pays more time in communication with the child rather than with the husband. A reverse situation (when the mother feels redundant) may occur if she continues to work and the husband brings the child up, or if she is unable to care for the child due to other reasons. This may lead to a breach of a basic emotional bond between the mother and the child, and to hard consequences for both of them in the future.

LOVE AND MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING

It’s important for the spouse that spends more time at work to share his or her concerns, problems, and impressions that he or she got during the day. This will allow the couple to maintain interest in each other and will keep the “continent” of family hearth together. The couple should allot time for communication with each other, and there should also be areas of their relationship where the child isn’t allowed.

For example, there are frequent situations when the child can’t fall asleep until the mother or the father goes to bed with him or her. In most cases, the child goes to bed on his or her own if the parents firmly and resolutely demand that it’s possible. Consider each member of your family with attention, let nobody stay aside, and reinforce your union because the child should grow up near loving and amicable relatives.