Love or Crush? The Sooner You Know, The Better

A wise man once said, “Love that wants to be spiritual only turns into a shadow, but if love lacks spirituality, it becomes vulgar.”

Infatuation, sympathy, or lust are sometimes called love, but all these feelings tend to change quickly because there’s something selfish about each of them. What changes is the love for something, and if this something changes, feelings change too. A man who likes his girlfriend because she has a beautiful face and body may find his feelings toward her change in 20 or 30 years if the girl loses her beauty. A girl who meets a wealthy man and wants to be with him may fall out of love if his financial situation changes one day. Such love seeks comfort and if there is none, it’s gone. This love tries to avoid life’s hardships and suffering. Of course, when we get married, we don’t think about suffering and hardships, but if something goes wrong, a truly loving person’s feelings don’t get weak—they get stronger.

Infatuation isn’t the first stage of love, but a different feeling and emotion all together. Both feelings have their own laws of development and may appear to be alike. Crushes that never evolve into real love are numerous, and love may sparkle without infatuation. Love takes time; infatuation is hasty. Love grows gradually, while infatuation hits people out of the blue. In fact, you never truly know what a person is like after seeing him or her just a couple of times. Most people wear masks, and their perfect manners impress us. Trying to be nice and pleasant, people skillfully control their anger and irritation, and it often takes years to really get to know someone well. While dating, some people conceal their true natures and hide their real characters.

Infatuation often comes to an end as suddenly as it starts if there’s no sex involved. Sex complicates emotional reactions, and people often maintain a relationship not because they feel connected to each other, but because they feel great in bed.

A bride and a groom promise each other on their wedding day to be together “from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do us part." God compares his love to the love of the bride and the groom which is deep and inseparable.

The Song of Songs book says, “Love is as strong as death.” Why is love compared to death? Because you die for others if there’s love for one in your heart. You belong to this person, and there can be no feelings of infatuation or any feelings for others. Love is as constructive and positive as kindness, mercy and sympathy and real love doesn’t lead to suffering, depression or suicide.

Love is a dual feeling, and it can’t exist without physical attraction. If love is real, common sense always controls emotions. Love gives people a feeling of safety, confidence and trust. Love isn’t all-absorbing and doesn’t destroy interest in other things. Love survives any separation or quarrel and gets stronger. The love of a man and a woman is always reciprocal. If it is not, then it’s infatuation, not love. Reciprocity is as vital to love as water is to a plant: it can’t grow and regenerate without it. Love positively influences human nature, and opens up the best qualities in it. It fills people with energy, sets goals and motivates people to live. Love encourages creativity, development and personal growth. It increases self-esteem and self-confidence. Love drives people to success and teaches them to manage their lives wisely and not to waste time. With love, life makes sense. Love inspires people and keeps them focused on their goals.

Infatuation, on the other hand, is destructive and introduces disorder into life. Love is aware of human flaws while infatuation is blind to them. Love helps one reveal wonderful qualities in the person he or she loves and build a relationship on the basis of them. If you tend to idealize a person, you ignore this person’s defects. Your infatuation dies as soon as the person disappears. As the proverb goes, “out of sight, out of mind;” infatuation is based on physical attraction and a couple of qualities, and if your relationship loses spontaneity, your interest quickly fades away. Infatuation can’t survive the challenge of time. Love brings order into physical relations, while infatuation abuses them. Love creates certainty; infatuation creates doubts.

If you really love, you must feel a growing confidence. If you analyze your relationship and feel it’s only a crush, don’t break it off immediately; take your time because you can be mistaken. Sometimes infatuation evolves into a genuine love, but if you rush into something, you may never know. So enjoy your relationships and try to find out if you are mistaking love for infatuation.