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The Right Way to Say “No”

There will always be men who sincerely believe that when a woman says “no,” she means “yes.” Do you want to make it clear that this is your only answer? Then you must learn to say “no.”


Sometimes a man offers you something more than just a friendly chat. It may happen when you are not expecting it, not ready for it, or not willing to do it at all. There’s no “right” time for such offers –- he will often do offer after you had dinner together, or met accidentally in the street, or even finished a business conference!


Usually it happens rather unexpectedly for a woman, as this man is neither her husband nor a lover. The biggest problem occurs when he wants it and she doesn’t.


Do not be afraid to wound his self-esteem


If you’re compassionate and indecisive, you may feel rather contradictory. On the one hand, there’s no doubt that you must say “no.” On the other hand, you don’t want to hurt his pride, to spoil his mood, or to ruin your relationship. Just think about it: you’ve been communicating with this person for a pretty long time, and suddenly...this. Your delicate mind simply won’t let you say “no” and you start to mumble something about your husband and your kids. Truly speaking, you make the situation even worse by not taking into consideration his “male psychology.” While you’re standing there, fighting with yourself, the man does not in the least consider your answer to be a real one. He is sure that you’re playing your flirty game, trying to say “yes” in a roundabout way. He brings you to his house, and you end up having to explain everything at his front door. Then you take a subway or a cab and go home alone, feeling miserable, disappointed and disgusted with yourself. If that’s exactly your case, you should always keep in mind that you will never hurt his feelings through your refusal. He will easily cope with the tragedy, think “Well, not this one,” and rush to look for somebody else. Somebody who will be less shy.




If you are a risky, adventurous person, this won’t seem a problem to you. Such a situation will add spice to your life and will give you a topic for many jokes and discussions. You won’t doubt for a second –- instead, you will easily find the right answer to this delicate question.


Variation #1: when you hear this not-at-all-dubious offer, you don’t hesitate for a single second. You smile and say, “Of course dear, let’s go to your place!” On the way there you look for a drugstore and say something like, “Sorry, I totally forgot –- I need to get some….” Then you leave your impatient friend waiting in the car, go straight into the store, and go out through the back door with a mean smile on your lips.


Variation #2: you seem to be pleasantly surprised, smile at him mysteriously, or even give him a light kiss. You promise to be all his, but not today: “Honey, I’m so sorry, but I have to get home immediately. My mother-in-law must be at my place already, and I can’t make her wait.” When he falls for your story, give him a tender kiss and leave. Of course, you can’t call this behavior 100 percent polite –- some people even call it duping. Men naturally get offended when you do this to them; it’s something that can’t be forgiven.


Calm and dignified leaving


And here’s what a calm, self-confident woman can make of such an offer. “He’s not harassing me sexually, he’s just offering himself to me. Therefore, any aggressive reaction will be inappropriate. I still have a right to reject the offer, but I’m to do it in a polite way.” Actually, this woman will do everything to avoid such a situation in the first place -- and even if she gets into one, she will never panic and mumble. She won’t lie or speak nonsense either. She will just tell him in a calm, firm voice that they’ve spent a very nice evening/day together, but that she has to go home. The secret is not in the meaning of the phrase, but in a self-respectful tone that will help you to say “no.”


Something to think about


No matter how often we say “no,” there will always be some admirers eager to deadlock you with their offers. Do they really think that gender deficiency will make women less picky? Or ready for everything? Kathleen Turner once said, “How dare men think that they automatically get a reward when they pay attention to us? We don’t owe them anything –- no love, no sex. Remember girls, we always have a right to say ‘No’.”

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