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Avoiding a Post-divorce Crisis

understand, forgive and take care of you; but there is no such hope when

you’re an adult and that’s how the process of self-destruction

is started. Feeling sorry for herself, a woman can find “deliverance”

in cheesecakes and buns, or alcohol. It becomes even worse because even

if you comfort yourself momentarily, you still feel that you are unnecessary

and useless. Thinking this way will adversely affect your appearance,

as well.

  • They save up malice. Holding a grudge against a husband grows and

    grows until it becomes a grudge against all men. It leads to a corresponding

    thought: all men are liars.

    Undoubtedly, in this case, the prognosis of happiness in your private

    life becomes unlikely.

  • Imagine plans of revenge. A woman thinks that it’s her husband

    who is responsible for all her troubles. “I gave him the best

    years of my life but he… But take my word for it: he will pay!”

    She dreams about taking revenge against her husband. But, as a rule,

    all this negativity turns on the child. More than that, the load of

    the mother’s tragedy is foisted on the child’s frail shoulders.

    It’s also emotionally difficult for a child because of the father’s

    absence and the fact that the mother tries to limit communication between

    the child and the father, even forbidding them to meet at all. Such

    a situation turns into a stressful one for everybody and may greatly

    affect the child’s psyche.

Feel the taste of freedom.

You try to begin a new life, to build relationships with people around

you, to avoid repeating previous mistakes. But, at the same time, you

can’t get rid of the feeling that your newfound freedom doesn’t

make you feel happy; even more, fears constantly haunt you. Don’t

hurry and don’t give up. A taste for freedom doesn’t come

at once -- it comes gradually. The fear, of course, doesn’t let

you breathe freely, but it can help you to overcome the divorce. Don’t

suppress this feeling; let it work inside you. Fear is also an energy

that can mobilize a person and make him move. For instance, some people

who were afraid of being left without work and money, have created new

careers because of this fear.

When you feel lonely and upset, talk to your parents or friends. Let

yourself be a little bit weak. Don’t be too shy to cry and ask for

help. You can also help yourself by using a bit of imagination:

  1. imagine your condition as an image. Here is an example of a typical

    situation. You return home from work with a heavy bag, your feet hurt,

    you have a terrible headache, your hands are about to release the burden.

    Whom do you remind yourself of? Certainly, an old person.

  2. Now imagine a desired condition: for instance, a young blood-horse

    who easily rushes along in the steppe.

  3. The following step is to ‘release’ this image. Forget

    about it -- think about something completely different. In a few minutes

    you will feel relief as if your body has been filled with energy. Even

    your face has changed, no longer resembling a martyr’s mask.

The marrying habit.

Sometimes it happens that spouses divorce in the heat of passion without

having thought everything over very well. In other words, they lost their

tempers. After the divorce, when the conflict is over, they miss each

other and they go to the registry office. In this case, of course, it’s

better to live in one apartment; otherwise, if you move constantly, you

will lose a lot. We can advise people who are fond of marrying and divorcing

to treat their words and deeds more seriously and to look for diversion

in other places: in a stadium, on a tennis court, on the field.

Our expert, Tony Manson, psychologist:

In modern life, the long, stable marriage is rather rare. It is more

the exception than the rule. The reason is not the degradation, but the

increasing dynamism of life. People change and relationships change with

them. Sometimes these changes are so quick and essential that looking

back you feel surprised -- how could you have chosen a partner so unsuitable

for you? Divorce usually follows such a realization and then there is

the beginning of new relationships. It’s useless to treat the divorce

as a fatal event that places blame on only one spouse: even having parted,

you can spend years on mutual reproaches and come to nothing. It’s

useless to try to return to the relationship when it’s clear that

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